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Interesting Day

Interesting day today. I learned that I have osteoporosis. Woah! Yes, me, the girl who used to be envied and constantly questioned by others as to how do I get so skinny... me age **21** has osteoporosis.

Hmmmm suddenly being skinny doesn't seem so appealing any more. That's the "little" oversight that I think all those trashy magazines leave out of their diet tip pages. I've seen endless tips of how to starve yourself and stave off the hunger etc but never any warnings about the SERIOUS dangers caused by messing with your body.

I have been significantly underweight, but never like the stereotypical pictures of "anorexic" people so that's why I didn't think I had a problem. After all, when the magazines/America's Next Top Model told us the (MADE UP) weights of stars the same height as me, I thought "Hey, I'm still about X stone heavier than them!".

I do feel quite alot of anger- I would be superhuman not to. As I mentioned before, when I went to a doctor when I was 17 because I was underweight and had no periods, she looked me up and down and said "You look fine" and "Having no periods is normal for some people!". Then she put me on these crazy anti-depressants, which I now know can contribute to osteoporosis.

However, more than anger I actually feel a sense of relief. I was feeling like I "should" exercise and go to the gym, but the past year I have just felt so weak and with painful joints. It will also help me if I get any remarks about putting on weight... I know better- skinny does not mean healthier!

This really is a blessing in disguise to me. (After a good crying session of course), I realise that more than ever I need to love and nurture my body. This is my body screaming out like my inner child saying "PLEASE look after me... PLEASE BE NICE TO ME!!".

I had spent years doing wacky self-destructing behaviours and thought I had found the secret to "beauty"... Well my body isn't abnormal or special that it was withstand my old behaviours. I thought I was different to everyone else for years... but I realise now that even those celebrities that yo-yo diet like Nicole Ritchie, Victoria Beckham and Jessica Simpson probably get diseases like osteoporosis too, it just isn't sexy to print that in the magazines!

I know this article is a bit more gruesome than my usual ones... but reality is reality and "putting a happy sticker on" is not going to take away this disease. It is my big chance to nurture and love my body the way it DESERVES.

Blessings to you all

xxxxxxx C xxxxxxxx

Comments

Hey just want to say thanks a

Submitted on October 12th, 2009

Hey just want to say thanks a mil for actually pointing out the dangers that they dont tell you on the magizines , its great to see you actually realise now the dangers and its so true we seem to just forget all the effects that condtion leaves us with! I know i still dont appreciate my body and think i take things such as bloods, bones and anything to do with my body for granted it really hasnt hit me yet how dangerous it is or i still think well 'its me its not that bad'! I know it will come though thanks for writing that inspiring piece really helped me
keep up the good work :)
L xoxox

Hiya guys! Unfortunately, I

Submitted on October 12th, 2009

Hiya guys!

Unfortunately, I too am suffering the consequence of years of torturing my body, and inflicting it with coctails of medication! It's tough when you cant see somethin happening (and even when you can as is often our case) to really believe that its happeneing, and that it is within our control to stop it!

Like you said C, in a pursuit to look "Slim and Hot" we've opened ourselves up to the possibility of a frightening and upsetting image-We'd look well the lot of us bent over a walking stick, not a tooth left in our head by our mid twenties, wouldn't we.??

Congrats on realising now C, I went years without giving a crap, literally! I admire that you have the awareness and the want to right it sooner rather than later.

Thats a really good paragraph you found. Specially like "switching off the awareness doesnt mean switching off the fact"

Its hard when you read stories or experts sayin that youll never fully get bone density back to work up the energy or motivation to actually get proavtive about improving the situation (ie eventually dropping your condition) but maybe their only basing that on the A-typical victims of Osteoporosis. After I really put my full focus and energy into recovering, I found and talked to people that have totally cured themselves of it, was so inspiring--Isnt that great!

Like some other side effects I feel, I really do have full belief that with the care, attention and appreciation that I've afforded my body more recently, that slowly but surely it'll begin to forgive me and trust me. Bless it-I can't blame it for being cautious after past experiences. I WILL go skiing again tho I'm fully confident in that fact-Someday in the not too(ish) distant future, and my body is gonna love,embrace and appreciate every min of it.(This idea served as one of my motivations!)

So, to both of you, and to myself.....Don't place your energy on guilt,shame and regret about destroying your bones. Equally, if your numb, or like I was, totally indifferent, drop guilt and just trust that a DEXA scan does NOT lie. Place all energy into getting proactive about it.

Fair play again girls, At the very least for goin for the scan in the first place, but also for realising the necessary action. Your doin a great job!!

Wishing you lashings of almonds,figs and brocolli!! :o) (but not all together-ICK!)
H

DXA scan doesn't lie

Submitted on October 12th, 2009

I keep on reading this article, just to keep reminding myself of the reality as it's still all a bit surreal.

"The DXA scan doesn't lie"- so true! The condition really is running out of excuses to destroy me!

Glad this article is helping others, it's great to hear I'm not alone

Hi C, Your message really

Submitted on October 12th, 2009

Hi C,

Your message really hits home coz I've been putting off getting the bone scan for a while now - partially because money-wise things are tight at the moment and also I pretty much figured 'well that won't be me, I won't have oesteoperosis and it's just a waste of money to get the scan when I know I'm fine' but then of course I have to remind myself that I didn't realise my vitimin B12 was dangerously low either!

It's funny how we make assumptions about what we 'know' which is really based on very little medical knowlage. Like, I thought - 'well MY problem isn't undereating, it's overeating therefore I have double the amount of vitamins etc so these things don't affect ME, I'M grand!', but of course it doesn't always work this way!

So I'll take your post to heart and organise my bone scan as soon as possible! Thanks Again!

Donna

Feeling Numb

Submitted on October 11th, 2009

I know how you feel.. alot of me does still feel that this is all just a joke and I dreampt that I have this serious disease! But my body is crying out to me to look after it, I have to wake up to the reality before more serious damage happens.

Take care

x

hey ..... Its a shock to the

Submitted on October 11th, 2009

hey .....
Its a shock to the system alright but i found a ggod article online that said that this:

''turning off the awareness does not mean turning off the fac. living in a state od oblivion doesnt halt the damage been done. that failure and the vision of what is actually happening to the body is a terrible shock and brings up terrific anxiety. the challenge is to not to use that anxiety as a trigger to use behaviours to bobe breaking lengths but to use the fear and anxiety as a way to address the eating disorder realistically. the challenge is to get even more awareness and begin the healing work''

I know how scary it is but its the push we need to really commit to recovery, not to use it as another reason to numb out or self destruct but as you said to care for your body. i found out months ago and its only now the reaslisation and seriousness has hit home and like you i have cried. lots of hugs going your way hun x x x

Hi, I have also found out

Submitted on October 11th, 2009

Hi, I have also found out that I have osteoporosis, though unlike yourself I did not cry, I did not think about the ways in which the media might have influenced my distructive behaviours and above all i'm not feeling angry, maybe feeling nothing at all. It is strange really, because there is nothing. Your post is definately something that I should read over and over again until the message strikes home, because it does seem unnatural not to feel anything. Maybe it is no surprise, something else that the condition has had its hands on, something else going negative, well no surprises in that. But maybe, just maybe, it might be that I know that in the process of recovery this will also be taken care off, rectified as much as it is possible just like other things. This is something that has been brought to the surface which now I can work on. So isn't today better than yesterday, for now I know!!!

Thanks girls for all the

Submitted on October 15th, 2009

Thanks girls for all the comments on this. I totally relate, after each visit to the doctor I leave feeling more annoyed with teh ED and very confused. I also somethimes feel numb to what he tells me or my blood results but this is only when i think ah im invinvible it will all turn aroudn. Lately however,my poor bones have got a beating, why does it take others 6 wks to heal a bone and mine over 3 months, hmmmm i wonder??!!

Its been an insightful few months and way to learn the lessons from the past and how my body has suffered through ED. We all developed ED young when our bones were just developing so of course our bodies are not invincible. But I am not going to feel guiilt, instead put all your work into reversing the damage, it can be done, look at those who have recovered, my care workers are living Normal lives, able to partake in activities and they too faced all these problems,

Good luck
Cara